Some thoughts on life

Some random thoughts on my life...type when I can keep my eyes open despite the fatigue...fight the pain with meditation until the hydrocodone can drain it from me temporarily...numb burning feet...muscles spasming in my legs, arms, back, neck...leaking bile...soaked clothing waking me in the night...waves of nausea nearly constant...try to meditate and focus away from my body...smelling a piece of bread or some fresh cooking veggies...but I can't take fighting the urge so I eat some to satisfy it...punishment with pain, nausea, vomiting...it all comes back out...tried jejunal tube feeding last night...it came out my stomach tube...my gut is working backwards...see my beautiful boy enjoying toys and bugs and clouds...wondering if I will be here to see him become a man...love of being a mother keeps me going...insurance lost so the bills pile up and I wait for more loans...medigap could have helped but the papers continue to say denied...gastroparesis...IV nutrition therapy...dystonia...fibromyalgia...written out in case I don't already remember why...working when I can...wondering if graduation could or even should become a reality...what will I do next...friends caring, sharing, giving...family loving, helping, never leaving but fearing...waiting...wondering...searching for my peace and freedom from suffering.

The photo is of my son playing in the surf on our recent summer trip to South Carolina. I loved watching him play in the waves.